I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
