I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
