We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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