I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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