you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
