Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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