Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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