Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
