Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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