That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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