Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
