I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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