I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
