tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
