What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
