What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no, he came in my armpit
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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