you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
