She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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