mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize