i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
