i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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