Sponge bath it is.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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