Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
