My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
