if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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