I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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