every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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