I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
