I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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