brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's get the cat blown out
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
