How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
