She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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