My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
