There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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