I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
