Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You pole danced in your parka.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
