If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
