I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
