Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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