the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
