I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
