You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
