I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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