and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
