So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
