While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
