in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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