i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
