at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
