this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
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My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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