The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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