Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
