I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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