you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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