they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
