two words: eviction party
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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