I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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