totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
