I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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