Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
