fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
