It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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