Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
