Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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