she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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