I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
