I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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