I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize