I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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