I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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