I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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