I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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