if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
