I must be too annoying 4 u.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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