just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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