and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
