Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
