After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
